Not when you are laying around the house, not when you go to the grocery store, not when you sit in a classroom, not when you go to the gym. You are never obligated to get dressed up just so you are pretty for others.
Pretty is not the rent you pay to exist in the world as a woman.
As much as I consider myself to be more leaning towards the spiritual side rather than tied to a specific religion, it is entirely my decision to wear the headscarf anyway. There are many many reasons that I can give but to be really honest, they’re all just my attempt at making people ‘less’ confused and it’s exhausting.
It’s also exhausting and really saddening to me that if people are not questioning my reasons for wearing a headscarf, they are telling me to ‘show the world my beauty’ and to ‘be myself’. I am TRYING to be myself, but apparently I am an incomplete person if my hair is freaking covered, where is the logic in that?
There isn’t something more hurtful than being really excited about a new haircut and showing a friend a picture and having them say ‘oh you should really get rid of that thing you wear, you look stunning without it’. That isn’t a compliment, that makes me feel like shit, 1) because having to hear bullshit like that disguised as compliments my entire life, it gets fucking old and insults how I look 90% of the time and 2) in what fucking world do you think I am wearing a headscarf because I have low self esteem? and even more importantly, that ‘thing’ (and its been called that on many occasions) is something I consciously put on every morning, that alone should tell you that it is more than a ‘thing’. Maybe it doesn’t represent to me a strong bond with a higher being, but it’s still my headscarf, that I put on my head, because I want to.
I am just so tired of always having to explain everything, and defend and stand up for myself over and over again about something that really should not be such a big thing. The following things need to just stop fucking happening:
I am so much more hurt than angry, and I really just want to emphasise that I don’t fucking go by a single day without my headscarf being dragged into conversations that would have been perfectly fine without that happening. I am either treated as the Ambassador of what is great and holy and used as examples to shit I have no experience with or I’m treated as a child that needs a bit of a helping hand to do the ‘right thing’ and to look the ‘right way’.
Both are fucking trampling over my own self-worth. ENOUGH.